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Joke of the Day

"Caught my son running a Google search for ""adult entertainment"". I was mortified. We are strictly a Bing family."

"There are three rings that come with every marriage... First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and lastly the suffering."

"Did you hear about the special offer at the Mexican carpet store? UNDERLAY UNDERLAY UNDERLAY!!!!!!!!"

"Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

"What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? A Klondike"

"My Roommate wanted me to play the popular game Fuck, Marry, Kill... But now I am confused. What should I do with my husband's dead body?"

"Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play."

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!"

"What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines? On porcupines, the pricks are on the outside."

"How do you poison a hipster? Gluten"