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Joke of the Day

"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."

"My Arabic neighbours are expecting.....they are having Ha-bibi."

"*smudges lipstick* *smears eyeliner* *gets mascara on earlobe* *never tries make-up sex again*"

"Did you hear about the man with five penises? His condom fitted like a glove."

"Domestic abuse joke I went to a restaurant the other night and my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered real slow because obviously she can't listen."

"What is something you can use to find the pH of tree sap? A log!"

"""OK, they just have to air three more televised singing competitions and then... it's time."" -Mayans"

"Life is Like a Penis Simple, soft, and relaxed - then women make it hard."

"DEATH: You're grounded! Get back here! DEATH'S DAUGHTER: Whatever. *gets on motorcycle, zooms across tightrope* DEATH: HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!"

"It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts."