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Joke of the Day

"I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me."

"I covered myself from head to toe in mirrors today. I don't really know why, maybe I'm just at that age where you do a lot of reflecting..."

"The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered."

"My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve"

"Think smoking's ""COOL""? What if I do it in a leather jacket? ""COOL"" now? On a Harley? Still ""COOL""? While I kiss this model? Is that ""COOL""?"

"Why are there no knock knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings."

"Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero"

"What did Hitler say when he put on a blindfold? ""I can Nazi."""

"If your uncle Jack was stuck on a roof... Would you help your uncle Jack off?"

"I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere."