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Joke of the Day

"In America, you're the bomb is a complement. In Iraq, you're the bomb is the argument."

"You know you're diplomatic when... you can tell someone to go to hell in a way that makes them look forward to the trip."

"My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it"

"saw license plate GODLSNS and am not sure whether it's God Listens or Godlessness. doin devil horns anyway"

"What is the opposite of paranoia? Thinking you are following someone."

"Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I'd prob eat it."

"What did the aardvark say when he lost the race to the ant? If you can't beat 'em eat 'em!"

"How do you comfort a grammar nazi? There, their, they're."

"Strings are usually pretty straight Unless they're knot"

"Do you know why... ...they bury lawyers 10 feet under, instead of the usual 6 feet under? Because ""deep down"" they're good people."