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Joke of the Day
"Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? 'Cause I'm pushing ALL the wrong buttons."
Next Joke
"I just cut my mouth on a potato chip. People in third world countries are so lucky they don't have to worry about this happening to them."
"If you want to hide something from me, put it on my voicemail."
"I just threw a snowball at a Smart car and its airbags deployed"
"Fondly remembering a time when I could wear an over-sized guy's cardigan and still look pretty sexy, now I just look like a crazy bag lady."
"When my friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo... ...I just had to put my foot down..."
"Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game? Its in case he gets a hole-in-one."
"I had the biggest dick in 3rd grade which was pretty impressive Also probably the reason I got fired"
"Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat."
"[graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great"