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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? 'Cause I'm pushing ALL the wrong buttons."

"Kids and adults loved it so, the happy world of Harambe. #neverforget"

"What would you call an EDM producer on a flagpole? Datsik but not dat well."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in five years. Come on folks, I'm not going to live that long."

"9/11 never forget 11/9 always regret"

"What kind of bees give milk? boobies"

"I'm not saying he's a gold digger, but he certainly did not hold back when I took him through the McDonald's drive thru."

"**SEX.** SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX. Now that you have my attention, go do the dishes for me."

"Whenever it gets super cold outside, my penis exchanges its erection with my nipples."