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Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating"

"Why was the powerful Jedi a terrible comedian? Too *forced*, his punchlines were"

"So a giraffe walks into a bar... and says, ""High balls, on me!"""

"[creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice"

"You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney."

"I love whiteboards. They're remarkable."

"""Well we've been looking for this multiple homicide suspect for 5 minutes. Time to close the investigation forever."" - cops in GTA 5"

"Guy wearing Superman t-shirt. LOL. Way to blow your identity idiot."

"Did you park the car in the garage? Wife arrives back home. Husband asks her: ""Did you park the car in the garage?"" She responds: ""Partly"""

"A husband and wife were found smothered in their bed... Detectives called it the pillow case..."