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Joke of the Day

"My cat deleted my final thesis. Don't believe me? Cats can handle mice."

"eer booze and fun!' '""Didja hear the news?"" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. ""Harrigan drank so much his wife left him!"" ""Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"""

"I want to leave this world the way I entered it... By accident!"

"Hillary Clinton is sick according to doctors... I pneu it all along."

"I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend ""because I'm such a pretty girl"". I'm a psycho, grandma."

"Please, I can't handle any plays on words tonight. I just had an appundectomy."

"How do you find an obese woman's vagina in the dark? Go through the folds of fat until you smell shit, then go back one."

"Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend? A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth."

"I was sitting in traffic the other day got run over."

"What's a bad way to stop a pedophile? Tell him to think of the children."