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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend ""because I'm such a pretty girl"". I'm a psycho, grandma."

"Snow's so racist."

"How can you tell when a man pumping gas is a male porn star? Right before the gas stops pumping, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car."

"Did you hear about the chicken who liked classical music? I swear it was all he talked about. He would go on and on. ""Bach, Bach, Bach""!"

"Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet."

"WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies"

"Who's the most badass flower salesman? Chuck Florist"

"Three people having sex is called a threesome, and four people having sex is called a foursome. I guess that's why everyone calls me handsome!"

"Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent."

"What part of America can't sell full sized soft drinks? Minnesota"