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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I like to freak out the toddler by putting my iPad to my ear and frantically asking her if I've been miniaturized."

"A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year."

"I've been researching marriages TIL: Death does us apart."

"Almost 10,000 tweets, guess who's not Employee of the Month."

"Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie."

"Never trust anyone that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter."

"If you got on a bus with a bunch of gay guys would you stay on or would you get off?"

"Life is like a box of chocolates It ends faster for fat people"

"What do I get when u heat up sour cream? Just cream, it's not sour. -told me to by a friend. AP"

"Why do you have to nuke siberia twice? The first one is just to break the ice."