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Joke of the Day

"I've been researching marriages TIL: Death does us apart."

"Though my heart is a fist, I really do my girlfriend"

"How do you change root beer in to a beer? Put it in a square cup"

"When fighting clowns, never hesitate. Go straight for the juggler."

"Sleeping Beauty is my favorite story about how any sweet princess will activate her fire breathing dragon if you wake her up from a nap."

"I'm starting to think that all those hours in school when I practiced writing my autograph was just a waste of time....."

"How are Women and Hurricanes Similar? They both come in hot and wet and **TAKE THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER, SARAH YOU BITCH!**"

"Wedding day Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn't that great, but let me tell ya the reception was great."

"How do you get Cream of Mushroom in Pokemon? Put 2 Amoonguss' in the daycare."

"I saw a black man carrying a TV... so I was worried that mine had been stolen, but when I got home I found it was still mowing the lawn."