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Joke of the Day

"Never trust anyone that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter."

"Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live."

"What did the business man say to the gangster? Pull up your fucking pants."

"Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out."

"My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox."

"What is a soup-lover's favorite sport? Bowling"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea. I wouldn't pay $300 to let a lentil on my face."

"Q: What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses? A: If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital."

"Found my bra in the garden. Wish it was from wild sex but I think my cat dragged it out the cat flap."

"What are you doing on Valentines Day? I'm getting my hands massaged."