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Joke of the Day

"I got ripped off by a hooker once. Damn fish swallowed it whole and snapped the line, $24.99 lure down the drain."

"Shoutout to my grandpa. That's the only way he can hear..."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show a deer how it's done."

"What does a polite pirate say? Chivalry-Timbers!"

"How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... or two? One... or two?"

"My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it's there to stab potential taco thieves."

"What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? ""Quack, quack."""

"Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture"

"My GF was annoyed with me and asked me to stop singing Wonderwall Then I said Maybe"

"I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say ""I'm no weirdo!"" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets."