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Joke of the Day

"[first date] Me: You into role playing? Her: Kinky, what do you have in mind? Me: You fake a heart attack and we get our meal for free."

"Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11? Americans cant milk a cow for 14 years."

"Did you see the joke written on recycled paper? It was tearable"

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"*walks in stumbling* Jesus, Paul how much have you had?!? ""Just a couple shots"" Oh that's not bad then *flashback to Paul injecting heroin*"

"90% of her body A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."

"Why does Santa have 3 houses? One for each of his hoes."

"Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle."

"Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: You're the purrfect cat for me!"

"Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother."