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Joke of the Day

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart."

"What do you call a spanish speaking Coffee Translatte."

"*takes construction hat to vet* Please help. My turtle hasn't moved in 8 years."

"Friends are like motorcycles... 'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle"

"So a woman walks out of the kitchen... ..."

"Look at me! I'm a morning person! Let's work out! Get worms! Drive garbage trucks! Use exclamation points!"

"What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste."

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"

"Did you guys know you get a full body massage while being embalmed? I can't wait."