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Joke of the Day

"*puts kid in tub* *checks twitter* *forgets about kid* *tweets* *remembers kid* *finds kid-shaped prune floating in tub*"

Next Joke
 
"Happy Columbus Day! The man invented OUR modern work culture! He set out to do somethin, stumbled upon somethin else & took credit for it!"
"I like my women like I like my antiques. . . Oriental and fragile."
"I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well"
"I gave my friend an elephant for his room He said: ""Thank you!"" I said: ""Don't mention it."""
"I saw a BMW driver using their turning signal! But then I woke up from my dream."
"God, the Atheists are coming! God: ""Tell them I'm not around!"""
"Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better."
"My mom always has these great sayings for life, like ""Don't count your chickens before they hatch"" and ""Everybody hates you."""
"My Grandpa used to tell me ""Eat Every Bean and Pea on your Plate""!"
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