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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins in an oven... ...One says to the other, ""Blimey it's hot in here"" The other screams, ""AARRRGGGHH, a talking muffin!!!"""

"What did one tampon say to another tampon? Nothing, They were both stuck-up bitches."

"I brought my cannibal friend over to a party... He sucked the life right out of it."

"Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy"

"I told my girlfriend her bond villain nickname is Winter Snow... Because she is so flakey I then called her Nigerian Prince for not delivering on her promises. True story"

"How is a lady like a casino? Liquor in the front and poker in the back"

"What happened when the owl lost his voice ? He didn't give a hoot !"

"""Are you sexually ac-"" [my doctor looks up at me] [he marks no]"

"A man goes to the doctor... ...to seek treatment for both premature ejaculation and diarrhea. The doctor simply shrugs and says ""Easy come, easy go."""

"opening a deli called ""Work"" a steakhouse caled ""The Gym"" adn a fried chicken place caled ""A Funeral"" for ppl who like to eat & need excuses"