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Joke of the Day

"I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony."

Next Joke
 
"If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one."
"Dan: My little brother is a real pain. Nan: Things could be worse. Dan: How? Nan: He could be twins !"
"Senior high school picture...they weren't ready http://www.today.com/news/teen-comes-out-closet-hilarious-senior-quote-t25881?cid=par-huffpost-gravity"
"Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!! Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you."
"Mountains are funny. They're hill areas."
"Africans bring a whole new meaning to lesbians ""Eating each other out"""
"This invitation says, ""Regrets only,"" so I'm sending them a note that says, ""My hair throughout most of the 90s."""
"how do you get a cat to say like a chicken freeze it and bang it against the table and it says: gog gog gog"
"What do you call an anorexic.. What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection? Quarter-pounder with cheese"