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Joke of the Day

"Which word is the longest in the English language? Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters"

"I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing. She's behind with the laundry."

"I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 17 minutes."

"Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight."

"How do fat women defy physics? Because the heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"My girlfriend said she wanted to get properly measured for a new a bra... I said, ""Of course, it's not your eyeliner... You don't want to wing it."""

"5 years ago, I asked this beautiful woman if she would go to dinner with me. Last spring, I asked her to be my wife. Both times she said no."

"What do you call an Asian Pothead camping in Yellowstone? A Yellowstoner."

"They say there are plenty of fish in the sea But until I catch one, I'm stuck here waiting holding my rod."

"General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir."