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Joke of the Day

"Why was the hipster sweating? ...He wore a scarf before it was cool."

"Bought some shoes from a drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with, but I have been trippen' all day."

"4-year-old: It's not fair. Boys can have beards but girls can't. Me: Well, girls can have babies and boys can't. 4: Want to trade?"

"whats the difference between Congress and a condom? You can only fit one dick in a condom."

"What do you call something that has nothing to do with elephants? Irrelephant"

"My neighbor is a veterinarian I can never tell whether he's talking about putting an animal to sleep or the ""youth in Asia."""

"Did you hear about the cannibal who showed up late to the luncheon? They gave him the cold shoulder."

"I hope DC residents have good flood insurance Because that swamp turned into a damn lake real fast."

"After a few days without my phone, I've learned what's really important in life. My phone."

"Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank? He wanted to wake up oily."