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Joke of the Day

"DEMON: [roars] KNEEL, MORTALIT IS I, BAELROTH THE SPOON-HIDER ME: omg what're u gonna do to me? DEMON: werewere you not listening just now"

"cause baby now we've got baaathtubs you know we soaking in maaad suds so take a loofah for baaack scrubs cause baby now we baaathtubs [hey!]"

"What's a gay man's favorite time? Eight a'cock"

"When Ariel the mermaid gives a blowjob to Prince Eric... is that Fellate Of Fish?"

"What's James bonds fettish? Bondage"

"Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you for a green rabbit."

"Why didn't the bicycle cross the road? ...he was two-tired..."

"Did you hear about the priest who gardens? He tends to it religiously!"

"If I consider you a friend, I'll be there for you. With an ear, a shoulder, a drill, a shovel, an alibi - whatever you need to feel better."

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."