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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cheat sheet you use for a Philosophy test? A Nietzsche-t sheet!"

"I tried to cook something from scratch..and ended up summoning a demon."

"[snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a ""snow blower"" and was wondering where I might find one."

"Why did the electrician close early on Mondays? Because business was very light."

"Date: Do u have any allergies? Me: I'm allergic to raisins. They make me cry D: That's an unusual reaction M: They could've been wine!!"

"I walked into a family bathroom today at the movies... I identify as a family."

"HIM: isn't wintertime just so romantic ME (smiles & my lips crack open & blood starts pouring down my chin): oh definitely"

"When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall."

"Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors, they would be called chicken sedans..."

"What did the couch say to the armchair? Don't worry, I pull out."