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Joke of the Day

"How do you know a chinese thief has broken into your house? All of your rice is gone, your computer is fixed, and the mother fucker is still trying to back out of the driveway."

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"Why was the teacher cross-eyed? He couldn't control his pupils."
"Why are boys faster than girls? Because they have ball bearings and a stick shift."
"What the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches"
"Never know what to say at funerals. ""Sorry I ran over him"" just feels so hollow."
"""my dad could beat up your dad"" we're brothers you idiot *cut to dad stepping on rake, knocking himself out*"
"everything happens for a reason and the reason is stupid"
"5 years ago, I asked the love of my life on a date. Yesterday, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. Posted this on r/funny and was told to post it here also."
"I can't remember what age I am? Last time I checked I was 15, and that was 10 years ago!"
"How did Hitler like his orange juice? Reposted. No? OK. Concentrated."