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Joke of the Day

"Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? Because it soots him! Beat that!!"

"Driving I hate when I'm driving at a reasonable fucking speed and some asshole behind me is frantically trying to get around me. Oh you have to go put out a fire? We all have places to go buddy."

"*rubs a lamp* Genie appears and asks for a wish ""I don't wanna die virgin"" *Genie grants immortality"

"Girls who say, ""a lot of guys are after me"", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers."

"Your words of wisdom make me want to seek the tranquility and comfort of a mental institution."

"What did the perverted scientist say to his colleague? If you need me, I'll be in my Lab."

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park."

"""It behooves you."" -Inventor of the horseshoe, explaining to a dubious horse."

"6 more days, guys.. That's December 26. The day everybody puts their shitty Xmas gifts on Ebay so poor people, like me, can buy them!"

"Buckwheat from the Little Rascals just converted to Islam.. Now he's Kareem of Wheat."