50518

Joke of the Day

"When I was done filling my tank, a little bit of gas leaked out of the nozzle onto the ground. I actually felt my peener nod with empathy."

"ME: Don't you see, the treasure is our friendship PIRATE: ...Aye ME: P: I cherish ya me matey but honestly ya misled me a tad didn't ya"

"Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head."

"A boy asks his mum why he was getting Christmas presents in August His mum replied ""Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy. """

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face"

"What's the difference between a Circumcision and a Crucifiction? With crucifictions, they throw the whole jew away."

"TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first."

"[looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen"

"[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!"

"My friend tried to get an anal piercing and failed... They're still butthurt about it."