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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you step on an oily asian? Better not say. I feel like I'm already treading on a slippery slope."

"You don't put your dick in crazy because you'll probably get hurt... You don't put your dick in stupid because you'll probably get hertz"

"My brother forgot his apple today. Until he was rear-ended by a doctor."

"Man, Helen Keller would have been fun to party with. She's always blacked out."

"Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce? Because they were both too Shellfish."

"I bet my friend $1000 I'd never take it in the butt. He says I am just a sore loser."

"police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering"

"How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?"

"What do Nazis drink for breakfast? Orange Jews."

"""Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance."" -Alcohol"