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Joke of the Day

"Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon"

"Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast...seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!"

"[During Sex] ""Hurry up, this isn't really my house."""

"""WHAT DO WE WANT?"" i havent decided yet ""WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"" i still need a few more mins with the menu you are a really terrible waiter"

"There once was a fellow McSweeny... Who spilled some gin on his weenie. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, Then slipped his girlfriend a martini!"

"I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking ""What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"""

"Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor."

"This is not funny. I thought you said your joke was funny. It's not my joke."

"Thanks Grandpa My grandfather always said, 'Don't watch your money; watch your health.' So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather."

"Where do homeless people read about their friends deaths? In the hobobituaries"