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Joke of the Day

"Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor."

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"me *walks into house* wife: Where are the kids? me *turns around and goes back out*"
"Hitler pun ""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."" Hitler: ""So mine less."" Grammar Nazi busts in. ""MINE FEWER."" (Hitler looks up) ""Yes?"""
"Yo momma's so fat She did a cannonball, and water was found on Mars."
"Cute guy: Is this seat taken? Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles* Him: *takes chair away*"
"Paul says to Jesus ""Hey man whatcha doing for Passover?"" Jesus says ""Just hanging around."""
"What game show do pickles play? Dill or No Dill"
"What do bears take at raves? Maully."
"When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat."
"Donald Trump wants to ban shredded cheese in the United States. He wants to make America grate again."