50202

Joke of the Day

"I never trust atoms They make up everything."

"Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage."

"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Because Sheeran."

"What does a Polish guy do on the ice? He breaks in."

"There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god"

"*calls Rosetta Stone* Yes hi I was wondering if you had a course on body language *my friend choking on buffalo wings clutches his throat*"

"How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long."

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."

"A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming The doctor responds,""I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE"""

"what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his genitals? He got a woodpecker."