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Joke of the Day

"Two dogs are going on a walk down the street They walk past a few parking meters and one dog says to the other, ""Hey, check it out! Pay toilets!"""

"A recent worldwide survey showed... A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"Today's interpretive dance was brought to you by ""Spider On My Shirt"". Up next we have ""Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"""

"How do girls remember every word of an argument? I don't remember what I had for dinner and I'm eating it now"

"When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived."

"""They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"" ""So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"""

"What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!"

"How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian."

"[Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the MALE SIRI: Listen, here's what you need to know. ME: I... MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I'm speaking"

"Priest: Dying people are drawn toward a bright light. Do you know what that proves? Me: Dying people are moths?"