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Joke of the Day

"I once lived opposite a slaughterhouse. The view from my bedroom was offal."

"I took a poop today that didn't flush... That shit was revolting."

"U2's Ireland shows have sold out. Expect a ticket through your letterbox any day now courtesy of Bono."

"Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war."

"What do you call a balding Native American? A patchy.."

"Why did Karl Marx always buy cheap tea? Because he believed that all proper tea was theft."

"There's plenty more fish in the sea ""Actually we've 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod"" I'm bad at consoling dumped friends"

"80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction."

"What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom? No sound at all, the D is silent"

"Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother."