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Joke of the Day

"What is it? It has legs, but doesn't walk, beak, but it doesn't bite and wings, but it doesn't fly. What is it? -A dead crow"

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"Recipe idea: Add ADDITIONAL cheese to your frozen pizza to make pizza with EXTRA CHEESE! (Ladies, you may pin this on your pinny web thing.)"

"Well you know what they say about history. Those who don't learn from history: Those who don't learn from history."

"Remember the guy who got last place in the distance ejaculation contest last year? You should see him now, he's really came a long way since then."

"I hate people who talk behind my back. They discussed me."

"Where is the best place to hide a dead body? A cemetery"

"Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope's car."

"What is better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded"

"Donald Trump in a submarine Soldier "" Sir! The enemy is attacking, we're under fire!"" Trump ""relax soldier... We're under water..."""