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Joke of the Day

"No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat."

"Hey, Dyson vacuum guy. You invented a previously existing invention. Relax."

"I like my girls like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer."

"How do you reduce wind-drag on a musician's car? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof"

"Why did the hipster burn his tung? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool..."

"I'm ""yells at people who drive too fast in my neighborhood"" years old"

"Where would be a good place to find 25 million north korean jokes? In north korea itself."

"Finally found a house! We couldn't afford it and it wasn't for sale, but we just murdered the owners and took it anyway. Happy Columbus Day!"

"BEST PICK UP LINE: I wasn't looking at your boobs, I was staring into your heart...no, I lied , your boobs are awesome."

"I only had one beer Cupcake Can i call you Cupcake? No?? Okay, I only had one beer Officer."