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Joke of the Day

"You're so fat, they oughta call your dick ""Gary Oldman"" ...Cause it always disappears into a roll."

"Hitler decides to hire a weather forecaster [Hitler] what's the weather looking like today? [Forecaster] Hail, Hitler!"

"RaidTM: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something."

"Do you know why the people in ambulances are called paramedics? because there are two of them in the ambulance...it's a Pair O' Medics!!!"

"OMG! THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE! ""OMG."" Wtf are you doing?! ""HIDING MY DAMN CEREAL!"""

"What did one slave-owning waffle say to the other slave-owning waffle? L'eggo my n'egro."

"It's no superpower but I'm pretty good at winding down my car window without moving my arm so it looks like I have power windows."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision, guys."

"Why do Americans spell it as 'color' and not 'colour'? Because fuck u that's why."

"BARBER: what'll it be ME: can u make me feel extremeley self-conscious for 45 minutes BARBER: u got it"