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Joke of the Day

"RaidTM: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something."

"My optometrist likes to make eye puns they keep getting cornea and cornea"

"[emergency room] ""We need to put pressure on the wound!"" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"""

"Why don't we assassinate Kim Jong-Un? Because the North remembers."

"Donald Trump was born a year after Hitler died. I now believe in reincarnation."

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky"

"100 ways to reach me: 1.) Text Me. 2.) Call Me. 2.) E-Mail. 3.) FB .... 98.) Homing Pigeon. 99.) Signal Flares. 100.) Voice Mail"

"Stuck in church. Everyone's singing ""What a Friend We Have in Jesus"". Damn, My son has some stupid friends."

"What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul."

"Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart."