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Joke of the Day

"70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. .. The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet."

"""Knock knock."" ""Who is there?"" ""The pilot, open this damn door"""

"What did the comedy coach tell his worst student after his practice? ""Are you making a Mochrie out of improv?"""

"What does a desperate Mexican do? Bangs his head against the wall."

"I tried telling a pun to a group of kleptomaniacs.. ..but they kept taking things literally"

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle."

"I've always wanted to play smooth jazz while making love... ...but apparently the bedroom is an inappropriate place for a drumkit."

"The Walking Dead Even in the apocalypse black guys end up behind bars!"

"'Bout to get white girl wasted (drink 3 dirty martini's, squeal about loving everyone, eat chicken fingers & vomit)."