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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the new emo pizza? You just make fun of it, and it cuts itself!"
Next Joke
"Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny."
"What medicine do men take when their privates start hurting? Penis-illin'"
"My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped."
"My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!"
"[First date] ""Ok. Don't let her know you're just 40 squirrels in human clothes"" ""You said that out loud"""
"What's the secret ingredient in Bush's Baked Beams? Jetfuel."
"It's not a nervous breakdown. I'm having a calm, rational breakdown based on an understanding of how fucked everything is."
"""You know, when I was a surgeon in the army my nickname was Nodoc."" It's what my patients always told me before they went under."
"Trying to be healthier, so I found a list of 10 foods I love that fight disease... Too bad all of them were only good for fighting starvation."