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Joke of the Day

"My friend's wife is so controlling. When they're together, he talks like he's filming a hostage video."

"Two bloke sitting in a pub watching a dog lick its balls. One turns to the other and says ""I wish I could do that."" The second drunk replies ""Give him a biscuit and he might let you."""

"A duck walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender says ""cash or credit ?""... ...the ducks says ""put it on my bill""."

"If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either."

"Pretty certain the only way I'd ever be involved in gardening is if someone murdered me & planted me in their garden."

"Wanna join my feminist group? We usually are outside for hours arguing over who get the hold the door open for everyone."

"Memo to Life: Fewer lemons. More cherries. Thanks!"

"What's the difference between Barack Obama and Cecil the lion? Ones an African lion, the other's a lyin' African."

"Where do children learn their ABC's ? At LMN-tary school !"

"i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. ""oops sorry."" i apologize. ""that ones for my dad"