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Joke of the Day

"Memo to Life: Fewer lemons. More cherries. Thanks!"

"Why don't pedophiles win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind.."

"Why do terrorists have high sex drives? Because their sperms are always ready and eager for suicide missions."

"Wes Craven died? Well that sucks, I sure wes craven another scary movie..."

"my signature move is called ""the Mouse,"" where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon"

"A procrastinator and a depressed man walk into a bar... Depressed man: I'm driving straight off a bridge tonight. Procrastinator: I've been telling myself that for weeks."

"BRUCE JENNER CHANGE OVER WHEN BRUCE JENNER FINISHES HIS CHANGE OVER IN BECOMING A WOMAN, OUT OF CURIOSITY (WINK WINK) I'D LIKE TO SEE HOW BIG HIS ASS IS GOING TO BE"

"How do you make a chicken salad? Make a salad and give it to a chicken."

"People always tell me I'm funny and I always have to remind them I'm Dad."

"I've developed a fear of imitation ale, It's a faux beer."