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Joke of the Day

"An awesome person fills you with awe, which stands to reason that a handsome person will fill you with hand."

"The only people that get more concussions than NFL players... ...Are their wives"

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bunji cord? My ass. LAWL"

"More people die from choking on sweet packaging than they do from the sweets themselves... Gums don't kill people. Wrappers do."

"I did a girl missionary style I stole her cultural identity so I could take her land"

"What's ET short for? Because he's got little legs."

"I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance."

"I hate when people read over my shoulder while I'm texting. 2 car lengths please Mr. Policeman."

"Why are cops so bad at pool? Because they can't resist hitting the black ball."

"What computer monitor sings the best? A Dell."