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Joke of the Day

"Hallmark Card: ""I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."""

"A guy walks into a zoo. The only animal there was a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"You're the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job."

"A man balks in a war He is discharged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking."

"Baby, you're a firework: You hold my interest for about 15 minutes and scare the shit out of my dog."

"What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day? He gets thor arms!"

"You've reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message. ""Hi it's the library. The book 'How to Steal Library Books' is now 1 week over...UH OH"""

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!"

"To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today."

"Why is it difficult to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they take everything literally."