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Joke of the Day

"Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1. It's offensive that you thought this was a joke."

"Yelling at a dog... Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog just probably thinks, 'Awesome, now we are both barking!'"

"what did the gay bull say? more cowball!"

"Finding out a gay guy has a crush on you is like finding 1,000,000 pesos. You'll think ""Well, I can't do much with this right now, but if I ever cross that line I'll be just fine"""

"Man I ran so fast from the Italian lesbian, but the dichotomy."

"How many refs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They only screw playoff games"

"Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too..."

"Very proud I've never once screamed ""Woo!"" at anything."

"If you ever get cold... Just stand in a corner. They're usually around 90 degrees!"