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Joke of the Day

"A fun prank is to search ""buy antique dolls"" on someone's computer because then all their Facebook targeted ads are creepy dolls forever"

"What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor? My erection."

"My car was making this annoying sound . . . . . . so I went to see a mechanic. Me: My car is making an annoying sound. Mechanic: Easy fix. Reach over. Open the door. And push her out."

"Her: Are you even capable of love? Me: I'm pretty sure I love pancakes."

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because he's homophobic."

"Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving."

"LPT: If you feel cold, stand in a corner They're usually around 90 degrees"

"What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? successfully end a race."

"Who said ""Shiver me timbers!"" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew."