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Joke of the Day

"What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? successfully end a race."

"My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch."

"""To be perfectly honest, I'm not a huge fan of beats by Dre."" --Dee Barnes [Context for the clueless](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dee_Barnes)."

"My fencing teacher must've been a redditor He kept shouting 'That's a riposte! That's a riposte!'"

"Directions: avoid contact with eyes ""It's Ok, Shampoo, I feel shy sometimes too."""

"What begins with an ""s"", ends with a ""x"" and leaves a guy blown away? Semtex."

"Why does West Virginia have so many unsolved murders? There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same."

"Getting a caricature drawing of yourself is basically the only time you pay money for someone to brutally own you."

"What is called when an insurance company assesses a totaled car? An auto-topsy"

"A man walks into a sofa... Couch"