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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a smarty pants? ...... A jeanius"

"My enemies are gonna be so sorry if I ever get out of this bean bag chair."

"Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong."

"Fighting childhood obesity.... ....is as easy as taking candy from a baby."

"What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water."

"A tattered rope walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey, are you a lasso?"" The rope replies, ""Sorry, I'm a frayed knot."""

"As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass"

"""Look slightly worried."" - picture advice from The Singer/Songwriter's Handbook"

"Politicians are like Sperm One in a million turn out to be an actual human being"

"Almost every branch of science has a pseudoscience associated with it: chemistry and alchemy, astronomy and astrology, math and economics..."