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Joke of the Day

"Politicians are like Sperm One in a million turn out to be an actual human being"

"My dentist hit me in the mouth... ...he really hurt my fillings."

"A message to all you deceased American voters... Vote Early, and Vote Often."

"If your partner says ""if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new,"" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in a traffic jam"

"Did you hear about the outbreak of Urinary Tract Infections at the University of Texas? It's odd they couldn't see the issue with all those UTI's"

"Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, ""dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I'm just a shithead."""

"Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to change it five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light."

"I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces."

"There were so many vampires at my Halloween party I lost Count. ]"

"Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles...."