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Joke of the Day
"""There's a guy that jumped off the Pont Neuf!"" He must be in Seine."
Next Joke
"I came home to find shit all over my rug. Owning a dog would really help me feel better right about now."
"twitter: the only place where you get excited when a stranger follows you"
"It's only takes me 2.5 hours of wasting time on the internet to do five minutes of work."
"I love picking out my wife's panties except this isn't my house and now some dudes are yelling for me to come downstairs with my hands up"
"I only make good posts when I'm drunk... Today I celebrate 5 years sober"
"A boy was born of an Indian , Irish , Chinese and an Italian Grandmother They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them! They named him Ravi O. Lee i'll see myself out"
"[oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*"
"I said hi to Ellen Pao today She told me to stop being sexist"
"How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? None he's still clinging to the old lightbulb."