124634

Joke of the Day

"[oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*"

"I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?"

"Plum Hair Jokes THESE JOKES ARE BASED ON GIRLS WITH PLUM HAIR IF YOU DONT KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT PLUM HAIR YOU DYE YOUR HAIR TO GET PLUM SO.... ENJOY"

"How to get a guys attention: 1. Take off your shirt 2. Be a TV"

"I tried to join a local gang of thieves that were stealing supplies from Chinese restaurants in town. I don't think I made the cut though. They told me to go take a walk."

"What did the calf say to the silo? ""Is my fodder in there?"""

"dont tell the delivery guy you're gonna Fuck the pizza. Don't tell delivery guy You're gonna fuck the Pizza ""Thank you i intend to Fu"

"I'm cursed to end every statement I make with Bruno Mars lyrics Don't believe me? Just watch."

"A conversation I had with an abusive child philosopher >ACP: What is love? >Me: Baby, don't hurt me."

"I'm not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, I can turn water into Sprite."