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Joke of the Day

"[reads chocoholic on tinder bio] Mmm I love chocolate, too [reads workaholic] I work a lot as well [reads catholic] I also am a cat addict"

"I used to be a People Person, but People ruined it for me!!!"

"Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?"

"When the audio cuts out at the end of a newscast and the anchors start chit-chatting I like to pretend it's about my surprise party."

"Pot could probably use one more name... how about wizard parsley?"

"Somewhere there's a cat named Pablo Picatso, and that's what keeps me going you guys."

"What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink? I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW"

"Relationships are a lot like algebra.. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"What do you call a midget psychic on the run? A small medium at large."

"Massive fall on Wall St today... Nope, wait, just Hillary fainting."