48813

Joke of the Day

"I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone's death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet."

"The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says ""Ok, it's later!""."

"Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children."

"Did you hear about the woman who drowned in semen? She had it coming."

"I wonder what the chimpanzee who will one day feast on your eyes and fingers is doing today."

"Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. "

"What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year? About tennish."

"Turns out ""pick the biggest one & punch him in the face"" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher."

"The saddest joke I've heard My wife ran off with my best friend... Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there."

"A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder... Trump said ""It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."""