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Joke of the Day

"Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph."

"Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common? A: Neither one is very bright."

"*writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able."

"My buddy was dating twins... I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, ""That's easy. Barbara has really big tits and Bob has a mustache."""

"I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate, I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish."

"What did the French guy say when he forgot to tell his driver to turn left? Oh, gosh!"

"[1st date] So, what's your back story? ""I have scoliosis"" No, I mean your BACK STORY, like your history ""Oh! I got scoliosis as a child"""

"Why did the computer science student drop out? He just couldn't hack it."

"[NSFW] I met a girl called Michelle at a bar... Her: Hi, I am Michelle Me: I am Donaldson, but people sometimes call me Dick. Her: How do you get Dick from Donaldson? Me: You ask nicely."

"Why do we call rulers ""Your Highness""? because that's what they measure."